...Sigh... Fuck Everything

I visited my family today, again, and things got a little intense during the end.
I went back to my parent's place at 11:30am and planned on staying until the early evening, then I was planning on going to RM's place to relax and unwind.
So, at 11:30am we (me, my two cousins, my older brother, my aunt, my mom, and my dad) all had lunch at home. My cousins, brother and I looked at when "Tron" was playing downtown. The 3:45pm showing was the one that we planned on seeing.
On the drive to Metrotown Mall, I said that I was going to RM's place to spend the night there. We've been texting back and forth and I was really looking towards seeing him because being with my family makes me want to die, they just know how to make me feel super depressed without even trying. My older cousin started saying "We drove all the way over to Vancouver, went through so much trouble, etc, and you don't want to spend time with us? We didn't even get to see you when your parents came down to Seattle. You can also see RM any day of the week. How often do you get to see us and spend time with us? We're family, and we should be spending more time like this because once we're all older when will we ever have the chance to do this?" then I said something along the lines of "First of all, no one told me that mom and dad were going to Seattle during thanksgiving, I found out the day I called them when I was coming for a visit and they were like 'oh, we're already going towards the boarder'. I'm going to spend as much time as I can with you guys before Transit stops running, so I'll be with you for a long time, I'm not trying to run away. I want to spend time with you guys and RM.". My older cousin then said "We came to see you, so you should see him another time. Sleepover at your parents' place, etc' and then I said "I don't like spending too much time at mom and dad's house because it's not my home, I don't feel comfortable being there. I couldn't sleep last night, so what going to make tonight different?". So this went on and on and on, and it escalated into an intense conversation about how I'm selfish and see who I want to see, I have no respect for family, etc. I said that I felt uncomfortable being at mom and dad's place because I have a different home, I don't feel loved by anyone, how I know that I'm selfish and moving out was my only escape from all the hell I've been living with. Obviously, there's more detail involved but for your sake I'm going to keep it short.
So, this conversation made everyone yell at me, I ended up crying, then everyone ended up crying. They kept telling me that I was lucky because not just any family could love as much as ours, that I'm fortunate to live in a privileged part of the world, that I should be glad that my up bringing was good, blah, blah, blah.
I told them that I had more issues than just the family issue, that I'm struggling with various personal issues that have nothing to do with family, and that I wasn't comfortable talking about it with anyone. I told them that I moved out to escape all of this and that it was the only thing that kept me sane.
We arrived at the movies, things calmed down by then, we watched Tron, drove back to my parent's place, ate dinner, and I passed out on the couch.
As soon as I woke up, they were all bothering me to sit with them and talk around the dinner table, when in my mind I just wanted to just go home and sleep.
After the whole car ride to the movies, my depressive thoughts came flooding back to me. Before, I never cried and it was hard to make myself cry, and now I just want to cry all the time.
My mom also found out that I smoke because she fucking went through my purse, and that made me want to cry some more. I just feel like the biggest failure and the biggest disappointment. I don't deserve anything at all, not even happiness. I'm a fucked up worthless person, not even worth knowing. I don't deserve the happiness I currently have, or the life I live.
I just want to die and just leave this all behind.
I fucking hate my life, and I hate my family. Why can't they just leave me alone and let me do whatever I want? I know they 'love' me, but do they actually care about how I feel? Do they truly love the person I've become? Or do they love me because I'm just their flesh and blood? WTF is family anyway? That word means nothing to me. I rather have no family.