Insanity

As soon as I got to work, it was crazy busy. Like non-stop for 6 hours... Ugh... I'm exhausted...
I've eaten less than 1500cals today which is fine with me since I was running aorund like a mad woman trying to get things done. Working at a coffee shop, let me tell you, it's brutal sometimes. Catering to everybody's needs when you're working on drinks is damn frustrating. Also, putting on a happy face 100% of the time really eats away at you.
I had...
B: Oatmeal - 320cal
L: Oatmeal - 320cal
S: Lemon Cranberry Scone - 500cal
D: Yogurt Parfait - 270cal
Total: 1410cal
So I'm 210cal over what I would like to be but like I said before, I don't give a damn. Lol.
I've eaten 'normally' today and that's a comforting idea because I do want to be normal and run away from my anorexic thoughts. I want to have a good time with people I know and eat out every once in a while. I want to feel energized and ready for the day. When I was 99 pounds, I was fucking miserable. All I did was sleep, watch T.V. and counted down the hours until my next meal. I also had insomnia, my long hair fell out in clumps, and the company of my best friends was just pissing me off. Who wants to be an actual skinny bitch. I want to be a skinny girl with a spunky funny attitude. So, this is why I've decided that I'll have 1200-1500 calories on my working days depending on how busy it is, and 1200cal maximum when I have my days off. On "http://caloriecount.about.com" (Calorie Count), it said that if I eat 1505cal a day, I'll reach my 110lbs goal on August 1st. When I was 115lbs, I was swim-suit appropriate, so hopefully going to the beach with RM won't be just a dream, but a reachable goal. Of course, I'll try and stick to the lower end of my calorie intake just so that I'll meet my GW earlier. Plus, if I exercised I'd probably lose more weight, so I haven't lost all hope. And like I said in other posts, this has to be a permanent change, and not a "diet". "Diets" always set me up for failure because if I break my diet I lose all hope of ever getting back on the ana-train. Welcome to a recovered anorexic's mind. The thought of being 99lbs is always going to be the ULTIMATE goal, but for now and the new year, I'll get myself to a lower BMI and carry on from there. Let's hope this thing actually works out.
Tomorrow, I work the same shift again then I have a day off. Whoo! I don't know if I'm going to see RM tomorrow night after work, but we'll see what happens. I obviously want to, but it's ultimately his decision too if he wants to do something or not.
So here's my life's plan simply laid out for you to see...
Total Caloric Intake @ Work: 1200-1500cal
Total Caloric Intake Off Work: 1100-1200cal
Breakfast Time (First Meal Allowence): 9am
Eating Time Cut Off: 6pm (Unless Special Event, ie. Birthday Dinners: 8pm)
Simple, semi-strict, doable, and reasonable.
Anyhoo, I'm pooped, and I'll blog tomorrow. Bye~!