Fuck, I'm an idiot.

135.3
... Yeah. My roomie brought her gal-pals over last night. They drank, got high, and ate like pigs. Thankfully, I didn't drink or get high, but I did eat like a pig. Why? I was starving, and stressed out from work. BALLS. D:
I'm disappointed in myself, but I know in my heart that I was the one who did this to myself, and that only I can fix it. This whole weight loss thing is my responsibility so since I fucked up, all the blame goes to me. After all, I control what goes into my body, and at the end of the day it's all about less food consumption for more weight loss. Simple.

On a lighter note, JK came over yesterday for half an hour with his buddy IR. I was in the process of bleaching my hair so they didn't stick around too long, plus I don't think they were having a good time watching three other girls being super fucking ripped.
He shaved his beard, JK. And now he's fucking ugly.
I should probably let you know that I'm quite shallow. I like to think that I have good-looking friends and I hang out with people that look awesome all the time. JK isn't one of them. Gross. The spark is gone.
Humans are visual creatures, if something/someone doesn't look good when why even bother? I'm sure most of you agree with me. Deep down, everyone's shallow. The only difference is how much we're willing to let others know about our levels of shallowness.

RM MSNed me last night. After days and days of not talking to me (for some odd reason, I'm not sure what) he finally had the balls to talk to me. It was the usual stuff, like his music production, the show's he's watching, how high he's getting etc. We also talked about my hair, my insomnia, and 'what's up'. It was nice talking to him again, I missed him a lot during the days of silence we've had.
I don't plan on seeing him for a while, though, only because I need time for myself and this whole weight loss thing. I'm almost certain the absence of sex between RM and I has to do with my weight. Although he's a bigger guy and he's loosing a ton of weight, I'm sure he has that change in his visual-perception; like, when you get thinner, people seem fatter to you. I don't know, when I was 99 pounds, I thought everyone was a fat fuck around me. So, I need to get my shit together, diet like mad, and drop the weight. RM has most of my heart, if not all, and I want him to stick around. He's truly the nicest, the most caring, genuine guy I know. I love him a lot, and if he were to disappear from my life, without a doubt I'd be sad and intensely lonely. I can say with confidence, I love him with all my heart, and I'm willing to do everything for him. Too bad he doesn't want a relationship, or at least a committed one. I guess the relationship title scares him, as it does with me. Non-commitment relationships are where it's at; for now.

Well, that's my morning blurb. Oh, and I actually got a decent amount of sleep last night. 7 whole hours. :)
I'm on top of the world.

Stay strong everyone.
And I'll need your support.