Update.

I haven't posted anything for a while, so I thought I'd just let you all know how I'm doing.
After the whole issue about RM wanting to stop the intimacy, I took the time I had apart with him to really focus on myself. I realized that I didn't need a boyfriend/fuck buddy to validate my self worth, I realized that I should see my life as half full, I realized that I should start thinking about going back to school, and I realized that I needed some time off of work to really clear my head and get everything on my to-do list done. RM and I hung out a few times and each time was nice. I feel like I'm getting to know him as a person more. I still have this fear that we're never going to be an item in the future, but I guess I can only hope for the best while expecting the worst.
I still haven't weighed myself, and my eating during this whole time was awful.
I'm hoping that today and the day before my week off will allow me enough time to prep myself for a water fast.
Overall, I feel like everything is back to normal, but I now have an empty void I need to fill. Since I've realized this, I'm doing everything in my power to not fill it with food, but instead search for unconditional love that I so desperately want.
My desire to be 'normal' is stronger than ever but my ana thoughts are still dictating every moment of my life. It hard to life this way and I wish I can go back to normal with a flip of a switch. But this is my illness, and with any illness it takes time and effort to get better. I don't know if I want to let go of this ED thing. It's now become such a huge part of my life, I don't think I can live without it. It's a sad thought, but I need to know how to deal with it for the rest of my life.
I dunno. My life is a jumbled mess, but I'll eventually pick up each piece and sort it out.
Well, I guess that's it for now.
I'll blog soon. Promise. :)