I woke up to some horrible construction again. Fuck. Oh well, it was at 9am, and I went to bed pretty early last night. Midnight. It's a lot earlier than what I normally go to bed by; usually 2am or 3am depending on how stressed or distracted I am.
Yesterday, the day before that, and the day before that, and some more days beyond that I've been binging/not counting calories. I'm terrified to see how much I weigh, which is why I'll weigh myself on the 8th if I manage to eat my calorie target consistently till Saturday. My calorie target is about 800-850cal. I'm falling back into my bad habits again. I'm tired of being fat, and tired all the time because I'm fat.
I took a shower this morning, skipped breakfast, and went to the grocery store to get some food for my new plan. Whole wheat bagels, apples, SF energy drink. It all came to under $9. So I had a bagel (210) and an energy drink (20) on my way back home. I'm pretty pretty full which is good, and I started off the day right. 230cal for breakfast, and with a whole food bagel.
Before I go to work, I will have some oatmeal (260), then during both my breaks at work, I'll have one apple each (200cal), and when I get back home, I'll have 2 hard boiled eggs with salt (140). My daily calorie consumption will be about 830cal. Which is, according to calorie count online, 1000cal under my maintenance caloric intake.
I'm tired of giving into food, having no will power, feeling weak, stupid, a fat bitch. I'm sick of it all. I'm going to restrict and make myself who I want to be. I want to be thing, pretty, powerful, command respect, strong. I'm tired of being me. It's time to reinvent myself for the better. I'm going to do it. I know I can.
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