I'm feeling scared...

I've been having anxiety attacks lately and it's making my life a little miserable.
Just a few minutes ago, I was thinking about RM and the thought of him being in a relationship with another girl. Technically, we're not a couple of kind other than just friends, but ever since he told me that he wanted to focus on himself and stop out on intimacy for a while, I feel like I've been pushed to the side so that he can pursue other girls far better than me.
I was also thinking about my past and how I feel towards my parents and what lend me to resent them. I know that as a child I always felt like I was a burden, even though I knew in my heart I was loved. We weren't well off, and so I felt that I was burdening them and making their lives harder. I knew, financially, they'd be better off without me and their stress levels would've been a lot lower, but they were stuck with me and couldn't do anything about it. I always thought that I was a mistake, or at least hoped that I was a mistake so that my assumptions were right, but obviously they'd never admit it even if it was true. They have a lot of pride and wouldn't do anything to tarnish the picture they project. And as a child, I did a lot of extra curricular lessons, and I guess to some extent, they didn't want me around as much as possible. The thought hurts because this theory could be very plausible. They probably didn't want to deal with me and made me play the piano for hours or made me study alone until dinner time came.
So all in all, I feel that they didn't want me around, because they didn't like me, because I was a burden, because I was a mistake.
How does this make me feel? It makes me feel horrible, unwanted, and that no body would ever want me. I have this fear that I'll end up completely alone and isolated and no one will have the heart to save me from the dark hole I live in. I'm completely terrified of complete isolation; rejection gives me crazy anxiety because I'll be abandoned for being me.
In my heart I know people genuinely love me, but this is tainted with my automatic assumption of people finding me a bother. I guess this is why I'm always careful, and calculate every action I do, every thought I think, and every word I say. I feel like I can't trust myself to be free, to be the person that I am. I give everyone the benefit of every situation because I feel like I'm going to lose something whether it may be my pride, my happiness, my freedom. I'm my own prisoner because of this, and it's driving me half mad.
This whole "me-finding-my-perfection" thing starts with being skinny because I need to know that I'll be visually perfect, and when I'm visually perfect, people will seek me out. I'll have the upper hand and the power of whatever situation I'm in and I'd be the leader of my own game.
It's confusing. I'm always having a constant inner battle with myself and I feel that I can never be happy. Sometimes I feel like I need to go into therapy, but what would that solve? How would that make my life better?
I'm insecure, and I constantly need a significant other to justify the notion of me being unconditionally loved.
The very core of me needs to know that someone in this world loves me. Nothing in the world feels lonelier than feeling like this all the time.
Sometimes I look at RM and think to myself that he doesn't truly give a shit about me, and only act the way he does just because he pities me.
I'm so pathetic. I truly am.
If I were to have one wish granted to me, I'd wish for human unconditional love. Not weight loss. It's love that I truly want whether it's from family, friends, or a partner. Just love.
Is that too much to ask?