Things Are Looking Up.

Last night...
Work was stressful, only because JK was working. TM, the ASM, has begun to realize how annoying, stupid, selfish, and useless working with the boys is; especially JK. I'm glad she finally understands my frustrations with working, and hopefully she can fix it somehow.
After work, I met up with RM. It was our first time hanging out as 'friends', so I was a bit nervous. I've decided before that I wasn't going to give him any physical contact,do him any favors, tell him intimate things, etc. I was going to be and act as a friend and nothing more.
So I ended up meeting him downtown, and we headed towards Granville Street to walk about and spend some time together. We went to a tattoo shop and looked through the stuff they had for sale. RM wanted to get a piercing and I encouraged him to get his eyebrow done. I tried on a few pieces of clothing and felt/looked super fucking fat in everything. I ended up buying a shirt a bit small for me to get my ass in gear to lose weight. Ugh... I hate being the size I am now. I feel like the biggest fucking fat-ass retard. As I finally bought the shirt, RM was done getting poked. He looked so good, and it made me want him more. I resisted the urge to touch him with everything I had, and we both left the store together.
We stayed inside the shop for a long time and it was getting late. My bus back home wasn't going to run any longer so I said "I'm gonna go home now." and we called it a night. Since he needed to get onto the sky train and my bus stop was on the way, we walked to the same direction. At the place we were suppose to split onto our separate ways, I told him that I'd call him tomorrow (we made shopping plans when we we walking out of the tattoo shop)and let him know when I'm there. He looked at me and said that he'll wait with me at the bus stop and then go home. I said that he didn't have to wait with me and he could just go home since he was tired, but RM insisted, We waited for a few minutes and the bus came. Before I got onto the bus, RM opened up one arm out for a hug. I leaned with my hands stiffly at my sides and I let him hug me; I didn't hug back, Then we said bye and I jumped onto the bus.
He texted me later and said to do him a favour and text him when I'm home and safe. I replied with a monotonous answer.
As soon as I got home, I went onto my laptop and signed on MSN and set my status to busy. I did a couple things away from my computer and when I came back, RM had messaged me asking if I was actually busy. I said that I wasn't and if something was up. He asked if there should be for him to talk to me, and I replied 'no, not really, lol'.
He then said that he felt that I didn't want him around tonight because I was acting cold and not myself. I said that I always want him around and that he's silly for even thinking that.
We talked a bit more and he told me that nothing between us hasn't changed and that the only difference in our relationship is the sex, and how he needed to focus on himself in exchange for the sex. But from what I remember, he told me that he was confused about Lauren and how seeing her smile made him feel confused. So now, I'm a bit confused.
Anyhoo, things are kinda back to normal. Like, 98% back to normal.
And today, we went shopping together, had a really good time.
I kinda like not having sex with him because it's giving me a chance to focus on my body and how I want things done. I can understand where he's coming from. I'm afraid for the point where he wants to pick up from where we last left off and I want to keep the non-sex thing going for my own benefit. Meh.
So, it's getting late, and I have a head ache. I'll blog tomorrow. :)
Night.