2011 Reflection

JAN - SEPT: I've worked in West Van.
OCT: Moved in with RM.
NOV: Transfered to a different job right outside my apartment.
DEC: I'll be spending the holidays with my mom and my brother.

2011 is a bit difficult for me to remember since nothing worth remembering happened.
Too bad I don't have enough posts to make a month chart of what happened and such.
But I did have fun this year, nothing really stressed me out except for that whole NS being a huge parasite.
I have new stresses for the year to come though....

My last years resolutions were...
- Lose weight.
- Be overall healthier, with healthier thoughts.
- Blog almost daily.
- Continue to love RM and support his needs and make him as happy as possible.
- Apply for school/ Find out what I want to do with my life.
- Paint/Draw/Read/and get back into everything I used to love doing. (I'm suffering for a bit of depression ATM.)
- Reconcile with my family... although I don't want to.
- Find a better paying job.
- Work on my looks; ie. tattoos, hair color, clothes, etc.
- Buy a bed. Lol.
- Make more friends, and continue to strengthen my current friendships.
- Budget more.

Haha, I tired to blog almost everyday but we all know how that went.
I'm still deciding if I want to go to school or not.
Finding a better job is going to be difficult since minimum wage will be going up soon. Not a lot of businesses will be looking for new hires so I'm stuck with the one I have for now, and it's not so bad.

My 2012 Resolutions will now be...
- To continue to lose weight.
- To quit completely/ cut down on smoking cigarettes.
- Eat healthier!
- Getting a desk, chair, lamp, so that I can get my art on.
- Continue to love RM and support his needs and to make him as happy as possible.
- Visit Mom once a week.
- Hangout with NS at least once every 2 weeks.
- To be a better conversationalist.
- To have a stronger personality, I don't like being so nice all the time.
- Work on my art portfolio.
- Build a better wardrobe.
- Reinvent myself.
- Make a brand.
- Craft more.
- TO BLOG MORE!

Thoughts.

I think I owe everyone an explanation as to why I've not been posting as frequently as I should. It has to do with my... - Laziness. - Finding no need to complain//bitch about everything. - I don't get enough privacy these days. - My ED thoughts aren't as strong as they used to be. - I didn't want to bore people to death with my uneventful life. - I'm a bit happier these days. - I genuinely forget. - And since I don't consider myself having an ED and this is an ED blog, I would just be wasting everyone's time. BUT! I still would love to blog, but I need more of a purpose to blog. - I still have ED thoughts from time to time, and I'm still struggling with my weight. - I'm in a complicated 'relationship' with my new roommate RM. - I have terrible anxiety about my future and if I'm ever going to go back to school to learn a variation of fine arts. - I need a place to vent or to share my feeling because I'm definitely other people's rock and I have no one to talk to. - Writing is something that I've always cherished and encouraged, it's a great human skill that shouldn't be ignored. - I like documenting my life so that I can read back and see how much I've grown. - It's fun. - It's healthy. - I have lots to say, and great advice for those to want it. - The community here is so amazing, I still want to be a part of it. For those who care, I'll be doing a complete overhaul of this blog soon or even making a new one completely. I need to crack down on this and make it into a haven.

Hey. It's been a while. I've been going through some issues these past few months. I've never felt this alone in the whole world. My grandma died, and now my mother will never be the same. I'm a huge failure and embarrassed to my family. I haven't the slightest hope that I'll be successful in the future and yet I'm still idiotically hopeful. I'm in love with my roommate but he can't return those feelings. I work a shit job that I absolutely hate. I'm sick and tired of being me. I feel like the biggest loser ever... I don't seem to be going anywhere. I feel like I have no control over my life. I hate myself for it. I wish I was someone else more fortunate... I have a lot on my mind and yet no one is willing to listen to me... What am I doing with my life? Why am I so scared to get things going?