Lately, I've been really unhappy about where I am in my life.
I'm 21, technically single, working full-time in a dead end job, living on my own with roommates, with no future ahead of me.
Being 21 was challenging to accept. At 21, you're considered an adult everywhere in the world, you are responsible for your own actions. For each step you take, you're taking a step into the unknown where the pay off is great or absolute shit. When I was 13-18, I always thought my life would magically come together on my 21st birthday because I would be old enough to control things around me. I'd have a career, a great boyfriend, living in a great apartment, living the life I've always dreamed of. But now that I look at myself now... I'm there, but everything about it is wrapped in some way. Sure I have a "boyfriend", except he's technically not; he's a friend who just so happens to fuck me. Sure I have a job; but it ain't no career or even close to the career I want. Sure I live in an apartment with a roommate; but it just so happens that my roommate is crazy and crazy annoying.
I guess I should've been more careful when I wished for this lifestyle. Too late now.
But within all of this, I have the power to control most things. So far, I'm moving in with RM soon; a foil to my current roommate/living situation. I'll be leaving West Van too and living with an area with more character and normal people.
I'll be looking for a new job, and I'll be working on my freelance art portfolio which will be the start to my career.
When the day comes when RM gets tired of me, I'll be looking for someone better than him, and it'll be well worth the effort.
When all else fails I'll continue to pursue the feeling of hope, and live life that I swear I'm dreaming.
I can only hope.
It's never like we were thinking it would look like. Like little girls who dream about being 16 like princesses. Don't worry it's just a number.
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