It’s been a long while since I’ve blogged something, or at least expressed anything emotional.
For the past months that I’ve been away I’ve tried to live my life normally thinking that if I could just live like a regular person my life would follow. My plan kind of worked, but blogging and having some kind of emotional outlet is the only thing that’ll keep me sane and focused on what I really want.
My eating is ‘normal’ most of the days, but during the extra long days where I’m working, running errands, and meeting people, my disorder kicks in and I lose control.
I still want to lose weight; lots of it. That dangerous desire to strive for absolute perfection will never go away; it can only be suppressed with forced logic through a paradoxical desire to be ‘normal’. All in all, I’m stilled fucked in the head and only getting crazier as time passes.
I’m back, but for ill instead of good.
It’s a nightmare; a heartless nightmare.
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